I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
