Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
