I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
