More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
