Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
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