There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
