I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
