gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
