addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize