i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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