She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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