I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
