No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
