soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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