ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
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