Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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