God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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