Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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