Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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