Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I am spending my child support on dildos
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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