there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
