U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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