sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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