Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
