I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
