Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
