I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
