Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
