Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
