Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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