My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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