We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
