At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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