I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
