Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
