a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
