I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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