I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Damn victory sex feels great
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
