There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
