three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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