Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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