i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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