we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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