No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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