I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
