Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
