I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
