Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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