I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
they need to just BURY HIM!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
