Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
