So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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