I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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