Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
