I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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