I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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