i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I deserve to be covered in dicks
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
