I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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