she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
