Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
