so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
