I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
