Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
