I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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