Kiss
Puke
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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