Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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