she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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