he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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