My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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