i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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