i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
