your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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