VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
