Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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