Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
