just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
