i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
