When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
