After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
