i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
