made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
