I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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