No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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