I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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