i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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