It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
