if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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