This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
