you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
