when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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