if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
