Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize