what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
