My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No subtext here. People are naked.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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