I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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