ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
