then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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